On Loneliness and Productivity

Header art by Pedro Lucena.

Updates, top stories & our favorite links straight to your inbox.

Tanya Paperny / Thursday, April 15, 2010 View Comments

I’ve had a weird few weeks.

I’m nearing the end of my first year of graduate school, where I’m getting my M.F.A in writing. Needless to say, I have lots of reading and writing to catch up on. My long-distance partner is gone for three weeks, which is the longest we’ve ever been apart (I know, we’re terribly spoiled). My refrigerator is broken so I haven’t been doing my beloved nightly routine of relaxing through cooking. (I know, I know, you’re wondering why all this has anything to do with literature. Patience.)

So what does this all mean? It means that for the last two weeks, I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. I’ve been eating mediocre take-out. I’ve been ending my nights without my partner. I’ve been catching up on tons of reading and writing as I near the end of my semester.

And I’ve been wildly productive. My to do lists have been shrinking as I check off items that had been stagnant for weeks: do taxes, fill out the FAFSA, revise my workshop submission, pitch my story idea to a local magazine, read for my Russian poetry class, write a response to Wolff’s memoir for my family matters class, the list goes on.

All this and I should feel great. But, honestly, I don’t.

I’m a social creature by nature. The moniker that says to stay sane you have to have at least three human interactions per day is very true for me. I’ve been talking to friends on the phone, but I haven’t had a lot of face time.

But I’m a writer, right? I shouldn’t need all that. This week of reading and writing productivity should feel like a landmark.

The reality is that I’m just not built that way. Not all writers are cut of the same cloth, and thank god. Some of us can lock ourselves in libraries and archives for months at a time and just absorb. That’s not me. While there is certainly room for more dedicated reading time in my life, I require conversation. I feed off of human interaction. That’s where I get my inspiration. In conversation with friends and fellow writers is where I flesh out my ideas. My best writing comes out when I’ve talked about the idea first.

So really, I need both. I need time set aside for reading. I need to hang out with my friends. I won’t be satisfied by my day if at the end of it, I read a great book, wrote a great short essay, but talked to no one.

I’m realizing this and I’m finally okay with it. It’s what I need.

Does this resonate with you? Air your writerly guilt and I shall absolve you. By the powers vested in me by my…forthcoming graduate degree?

More: Rants / Writing

Tags: guilt, human interaction, productivity, Writing

Kit

Write with friends, kill two birds with one stone. The caveat is that you must only befriend writers.

…or else I try to set aside time to write in the morning, when there isn’t anything social to do anyway, so I won’t feel guilty later when I spend time with friends/SOs.
http://doctorbyday.com Chris

You should join my imaginary coalition of S.A.S. (Social Animals in Solidarity).

Speaking of which, I found a cute little beer/wine joint with free wireless right near my place. It’s like Cacao for grown ups…with drag shows on tuesdays…? I <3 WeHo.
Yelena

It’s been a very long time since Larry Morisette’s class, so I can’t definitively pinpoint which philosopher’s theories you’re echoing, but I think this is a shout out to Max Weber (and his thoughts on society).
Heather

It boils down to maintaining balance, as always…natch the flip side of this is that when a day is spent on nothing but social interaction and there’s no alone time for study/reflection/decompression, that *also* makes Jill a dull/guilty girl.

I’m with you — have to hash out my thoughts in conversation before the pen hits the paper. And a lot of times after our chats, I find myself scribbling down ideas .
http://dean.k.miller.blogspot.com Dean K Miller

My inner voice, which gives rise to my writer’s voice, is most often invigorated by times of solitude. Being alone does not have to equate to loneliness. That choice is up to you. Exterior activities, interactions, and external life are fruitful plantations for ideas and clues that plant the seeds for writerly deeds. But I find they grow best when I allow them to take root in the peaceful solitude of my soul.