Yeah I know he's a pretty good read...

“This book is presented as a work of fiction and is dedicated to nobody.”

So begins Bukowski’s debut novel Post Office, which, as the dedication implies, is a reluctant and drunken stagger through Bukowski stand-in Henry Chinaski’s tenure at the US Postal Service. Bukowski had a knack for writing hilarious and fitting dedications like these, yet another reason why he’s so awesome (you can also throw this song on that pile of awesome as well). Ham on Rye, for example, is dedicated to “All the fathers,” which seems benign until you actually read the book and see that Bukowski’s dad was a cruel and abusive douchebag. Pulp is optimistically dedicated to “Bad writing.”

Bukowski actually got me thinking about other memorable dedications, those oft-overlooked little prefaces that are really like literary tattoos: they stay with you for life, so perhaps you should think twice before ascribing your current flame’s name on there in big bold letters. A quick browse through my bookshelf revealed some memorable finds between all the For My Mothers and To My Beloved Whomevers. Because I’m so wonderful I’ve shared a few of them below:

“To those who broke and entered with me / into the cathedral of the heart, / to those who took my back / in right and in wrong/ Vobis”
-Nick Tosches, The Nick Tosches Reader

“As nearly as possible in the spirit of Matthew Slinger, age one, urging a luncheon companion to accept a cool lima bean, I urge my editor, mentor and (heaven help him) closest friend, William Shawn, genius domus of The New Yorker, lover of the long shot, protector of the unprolific, defender of the hopelessly flamboyant, most unreasonably modest of born great artist-editors, to accept this pretty skimpy-looking book.”
- JD Salinger, Franny and Zooey

“If there is an amateur reader still left in the world — or anybody who just reads and runs — I ask him or her, with untellable affection and gratitude, to split the dedication of this book four ways with my wife and children.”
-JD Salinger, Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour-An Introduction

“To my creditors, who remain a permanent source of inspiration.”
-Michael Moorcock, The Steel Tsar

There are also the dedications that seem innocuous enough, but contain a dark and often sordid subtext. One example is Ayn Rand’s dedication for Atlas Shrugged, which is for Nathaniel Branden and Frank O’Connor (who, it turns out, were her husband and her lover! Yikes!) Similarly, This Boy’s Life, by Tobias Wolff, has the simple dedication: “My first stepfather said what I didn’t know would fill a book. Well, here it is.” Again, pretty vanilla until you read the book and realize that Wolff’s stepfather was a total dick who had a profound effect on his life.

And then, finally, there is the best dedication of all time, from Buying and Selling Vintage Arcade Games:

“This book is dedicated to Ricky Schroeder. You had it all on Silver Spoons, but could you beat Tempest without using the super-zapper? I think not. Too much time on that little train, it seems. Ride your little train, Ricky. Ride that little train to hell.”

(via McSweeney‘s, definitely not real, but still funny)

Got any others that you can think of? Feel free to paste ‘em below.